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Sherlock
Holmes and Watson are camping in the desert; they set up their
tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Sherlock Holmes wakes
his friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what
you see." Watson replies, "Me see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?" asks
Sherlock Holmes. Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,
it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we
are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we
will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you,?" Sherlock Holmes is silent for a moment, then
speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our
tent."
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What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese.
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to
her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said
Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to
be absent.
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The Top
10 Ways to Annoy People
1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra
dark, 17-inch paper.
2. In the memo field of all your checks write "for
sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to
go."
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think."
6. Finish all your sentences with the words "in
accordance with prophecy."
7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands
over your ears.
8. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
9. Ask people what gender they are.
10. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head
like a parakeet.
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Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid
A few crumbs short of a crouton.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck All foam, no beer.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the
heel.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on
the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
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